im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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