saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
