She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
