all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
