I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Success! We fucked roommates!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
