they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
