So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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