So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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