i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
