Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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