Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Alive.
So much puke
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
