i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
