just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
