yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
