i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I love having hate sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
FUCK WHALES
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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