Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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