Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
