yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
