when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
