Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
