i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
