apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
