he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
