i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
