a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
