mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize