I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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