Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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