the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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