You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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