had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
