any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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