Swine flu is the new snow day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
