Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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