I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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