do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
there is puke in my bra ... again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
