you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
