I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize