Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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