Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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