the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
