On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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