**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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