we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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