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Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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