I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
