So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
