what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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