Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
