my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
