I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
