i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
