i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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