Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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