So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
