the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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