Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
