The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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