i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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