I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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