I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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