he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
