whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
