I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
