My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
