he thought i was a dude.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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