i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
